One thing that I always find a bit puzzling about Fear The Walking Dead is just how good some of the shots are, while the story manages to be so godawful episode after episode.

This Sunday’s entry, USS Pennsylvania, is a great example of this. It opens on some really lovely shots of Morganville. Bleak, half-ruined buildings ruffled by a slow breeze. The very image of an apocalyptic wasteland and mankind’s attempt to set it right, however clumsily. Or the scene with Teddy and “Sue” (aka Dakota) that this cuts to, with Teddy’s face haloed with light. Light and dark in stark contrast. Teddy like some grandfatherly angel, or mad demon, weaving his weird spell on his young protégé.

But however much I enjoy these moments of careful, lovingly crafted cinematography, I can’t say the same for the writing. Likewise, the zombie crewmembers of the beached submarine, the titular USS Pennsylvania, are fantastic examples of the show’s excellent makeup and special effects. Yet for all that, the story is still deeply silly and the episode, like virtually every episode of Fear these days, is riddled with plot holes.

Teddy—yet another insane villain with delusions of grandeur and a psychopathic mass murdering streak—has the keys to launch the nuclear missiles from the submarine, and it turns out that the reason he knows how to go about this is because Riley was the weapons officer on the submarine prior to the world ending.

But here’s a fun little fact: The keys required to actually launch nuclear ballistic missiles from a nuclear submarine are locked in safes that require specific codes to unlock. Those codes are provided in the event the president of the United States authorizes nuclear strikes. Crewmembers don’t have access otherwise. There is no way that these keys would just be out and about for the taking. Launch codes are required to fire off nuclear missiles from subs or land silos. There is no reason to believe that Teddy and a weapon’s officer would be able to simply turn a couple keys and launch some nukes.

We can set aside the plausibility of it all, I suppose. I mean, this show has strayed so far from the realm of realism and plausibility it’s not like anyone expects it anymore. But we do expect . . . or at least hope for the actual story to make a little bit of sense and it just doesn’t here.

Morgan and half a dozen others make their way into the submarine, apparently using a different hatch than Teddy and his people for some reason. I’m not sure why. I’m not sure how Teddy and Riley and Dakota and maybe the other cult members (though we only see one, and she’s dead from radiation because I guess the nuclear missiles are leaking or something?)—anyways, I’m not sure how they got in and made it to the control panel without having to fight any zombies, but Morgan has to get past 150 undead crewmembers to make it to the same missile command room. What’s going on here? And where are the rest of the Believers during all of this? Only Dakota shows up and almost kills Strand just like she did for John Dorie. Everyone else is mysteriously absent. No guards stand outside the missile command room. It makes no sense.

Speaking of Dakota almost killing Strand, this happens after Strand inexplicably pushes Morgan to the ground as zombie bait so that he can make it through another hatch. But moments earlier there was nowhere for them to run to, and Morgan was mad because he wanted to go into a super radioactive room but Strand stopped him. So uh, Strand tries to save Morgan’s life, then they find themselves with no way out and zombies all around, Morgan gets pissy about this and then Strand shoves him down and makes it out of a nearby hatch that I guess they didn’t notice ten seconds ago?

Yet again, a dozen or so zombies descend on the defenseless Morgan who—just a few minutes earlier—was almost eaten by just one zombie. But Morgan once again manages to escape and stop Dakota just before she kills Strand. He doesn’t kill her, though. Just knocks her out. Smart.

He doesn’t kill Teddy or Riley either, for no good reason. He doesn’t take them prisoner. He just let’s them go. Very, very smart. Morgan is one smart guy, that’s for sure.

Nor does he prevent them from launching one of the nukes, which actually did surprise me. This one has ten warheads on it, so plenty of destruction to go around, but not as much as if they’d launched all the missiles. If they’d been smart they would have sent this one to Russia and provoked an international response—assuming the Russians have some operable nukes as well, they could have started a global nuclear war. Instead it sounds like they targeted . . . the empty Morganville, among other locations in Texas and along the Mexican border. Teddy is also very smart. The smartest.

Morgan might have stopped all of this if he’d just let his team of fighters join him on this little mission. They were already in the sub. They had nowhere to run to. Everyone dies if the mission is unsuccessful (or so they they’re led to believe) so why not have the whole crew come in and help fight through all these zombies and stop Teddy? Why not? What is the point of Morgan going it alone? Strand only joins him because he catches up with him. Everyone else—after a whole scene where they’re like “We’re coming with you, no point in arguing!”—is left behind so they can just be totally useless. Even John Dorie Sr. who promises to put a bullet into Teddy’s head is left behind.

Why? The showrunners and writers continue to make absolutely ridiculous choices when it comes to this crap. There is literally no reason whatsoever not to include everyone on this vitally important mission.

Speaking of “everyone” we get a couple shots of the rest of the group nearby watching the submarine and observing the nuclear missile launch. They were supposed to go to a nearby naval base to take cover but I guess they just stood there like a bunch of morons drooling at the sky. And can I just remind readers that the cast of this show is wildly bloated? These shots are a great visual reminder of just how badly a bunch of characters need to be killed off. What is the point of Mo or Luciana or the rabbi? What is the point of Charlie or even Daniel these days?

Once again, I find myself rooting for the bad guys. Maybe this nuke can take out 80% of this show’s boring, tedious batch of protagonists. If we’re left with just the OG characters I would shed no tears. If Alicia, Strand and Daniel are the only ones who survive the end of this season I would have more faith in Season 7. Morgan is insufferable beyond words. Grace has no personality to speak of. Other than her pretty badass offing of Virginia, June is another completely humdrum character who has outworn her welcome and then some. Why is Wes even on this show?

Can anyone explain what the point of these characters is to me? What they bring to the story? What kind of interesting interactions they add to the mix? At least in the past, with characters like Troy or even Chris we had some compelling conflicts and tension. At least Dakota, however preposterous she is, shakes things up a bit.

I just can’t really tell you what would actually be lost if all these characters died in a massive nuclear explosion. Who would we miss? Alicia is safe down in her bunker prison cell. Dwight was a better character on The Walking Dead, as was Morgan (mostly). Sherry is as unlikable and superfluous as the entirely forgettable group Dwight found her with. I actually like John Dorie Sr. so if he survives, that’s cool. Teddy also. Maybe the new group can have both Dorie and Teddy in it—sworn enemies forced to work together just to survive. Teddy can be this show’s Baron Zemo. Honestly, he’s far more interesting than 99% of the good guys so why not? Why do we need a show about good guys to begin with?

One more episode and Season 6 is over and done with. It’s definitely been better overall than Season 5, but that’s such a low bar it hardly says much. Mediocrity rules the roost here. Mediocrity and a blatant disregard for quality control.

But the cinematography sure is nice.

What did you think?

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